Tuesday, 31 August 2010

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus...

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus: Why, oh why would anyone make such a comparison? Me wonders.

Where they in any way likening  the female and male genders to the green big headed creatures that we see in every Hollywood adaptation of Alien movies? I hope not, with a head that big it would be hard to get a weave that would fit well. And us ladies know that wouldn't work now would it?

I've always wondered about this as I was growing up and as the years went by in my interactions with my many male and female friends the truth of this statement began to emerge. Men and women ....are so so different.... and I'm not just talking about physical looks here..

Women love to yap yap, men don't.
I think every woman I know can talk for all England, including yours truly... (I'm certainly gifted in this area...and I don't need batteries to get me started...)
Men on the other hand love to give a summary of everything, a one liner will do the trick and then they shut up. (Well someone has to or else the women wouldn't be able to get their talk on...)
Here's a conversation I had with a male friend, "How was that wedding you went to?"
"It was alright."
When I've asked a female friend the same question, she said, "It was really good. Their colour theme was gold and cream. The bridesmaids had gold dresses and shoes. They had lovely flowers and balloons everywhere and the most beautiful glass centrepieces. As for the bride's dress, it was really lovely. It was a strapless ivory Alfred Angelo dress with diamante detail at the top and back...blah blah blah " I'm sure you get the picture!

Women also love to shop. Men generally don't. (They may be exceptions of course) Yes, girls you know we love us some retail therapy... for clothes, shoes, handbags, food, house stuff...u name it, we'll buy it. Especially if we see that big magic word SALE. All logic flows out of the window...
A woman can easily spend hundreds of pounds on shoes and clothes after a full day's shopping. Men generally shop for an hour or less and then they get bored. Even when they are shopping for technical gadgets  men will tend to take shorter periods of time as compared to women.

Women are generally safe drivers but they can't park to save their lives. (Oops did I just say that...?) Its true though, so may times I've gotten so impatient with women taking ages to park whilst I'm waiting to leave a car park. So annoying sometimes.
(I have to add parking is one of my greatest talents so if you need lessons you know who to speak to.)

Men love to channel surf and dominate the TV remote
There's a saying I invented, never come between a man and his remote. Men love to have full control of the remote (most anyway) and then when the adverts come, they love to do this thing of flipping from one channel to the other to see what else is on. Grrrr...
Women normally find a channel and they stick with it until whatever they are watching finishes.

Men love sports, sci fi and the tech gadgets shows. Women love soaps and chick stuff...you know the romantic, soapy , mushy stuff that gets us all emotional and then the tears start rolling...

Getting out of the house 
When men say they are ready, it means they are ready but when women say they are ready it means they're almost done as soon as they find their handbag, the right earrings and finish fixing their hair.
So in actual fact when a woman says give me 5 mins she probably means 25 mins.

Men say they don't get us and I guess we tend to think they don't just get it. Who knows someday we may reach a place where men may have a special enlightenment about the complexities that make up their feminine counterparts.

I guess the thing that makes life so interesting is the fact that we're all different. Imagine how boring it would be if we all talked the same, liked the same things and everything was predictable and constant.
Life would be a complete yawn. Thank God for our unique female nature...and certainly thank God for our macho men...what a weird and deprived place this world would be without them.

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

The "Tiger" within...

You see her in the office, hair in a weave, heels like a pencil

prancing about,

her Prada fragrance following her everywhere she goes.

She is an enigma to all who behold her

Her aura, filled to the core with allurement

She smiles at you on her way to the copy machine,

You smile back.

Your phone beeps, its the wife texting again,

The bolier is leaking and a reminder to pick up the dry cleaning.

You scratch your head, the money is nowhere in sight

Your life so full of worries, demands and insecurities.

Oh... if only you could get away

From all the stresses and hassles that threaten to engulf you.

You turn your gaze to her again.

She is such a beauty

Now why doesn't the wife look like that?

She drops her file as she approaches your desk

Then stoops to pick it, her loose top revealing all to see,

You jump, ready to help, but not before you catch sight of her twin towers.

You hand her the file, she smiles and whispers her thanks.

You pretend not to notice how her fingers linger over yours,

The so called innocent brush radiating heat up your arm,

Heating up your blood to a temperature higher than the boiling point of mercury

 Run my good man run.

Her claws long to clutch you, and entangle you like a spider's web

Once you're in her embrace there will be no escape.

So I say to you again,

Run my good man run...

Or stay and face death in the eye

And should you choose to stay

Know there will be no recourse to life's kindness...


Decadence will become you.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

The Boy is Mine

Susie watched him as he got out of the car, biceps like Van Damme, face like Denzel, a heart after God like King David.
What more could a Christian girl want?

"You're so lucky to have landed such a fine boy," Maggie said as Tim walked over towards the three girls who were standing near the church entrance.
"The Boaz prototype..." Anne added.
"You two are funny but I am blessed aren't I?" Susie replied eyeing her boy wonder. He was such a sight for sore eyes.

 Susie and Tim had been together for three months and they had tried to keep the relationship under wraps for a while, between them and their close friends but word gets out in church like this. Its as if there was a 24 hour news broadcast keeping everyone informed of the latest news.
Tim had been the most sought after guy in church before he and Sue got together.
Now that he was off the market, a number of females' hopes had been dashed.
"Hey babe, you look great!" he said as he gave her a gentle hug.
"Thanks, I'm on duty so I'll see you after service babe. Maggie hun, we'll catch up later ok."
"Ok," she said turning her attention to Tim, "Did you watch the match?" Maggie asked him as Susie walked off.
Susie rushed off and left them discussing Alex Ferguson's expertise or lack thereof.

"Anne, I just don't know what to do," Susie whispered in between tears.
"I'm sorry babe, just pray and give it to God," Anne replied.
"That's what everyone keeps saying but it's not that easy though is it?"
"I know hun, just give it time."
Susie grabs the Kleenex and blows furiously.
"He says he just doesn't feel that its God's will. This is the same guy that told me that God told him I was his future wife a few months ago. As if God would change his mind; such a jerk!"
It had been two weeks since their break up. Susie thought maybe he would reconsider but it didn't look that way. It hurt so bad, she still loved him.
And then there were all the plans she'd started making. She'd even pictured the dress.
She would get over it somehow.Yes she would, for now some Alicia Keys. Sleeping with a Broken Heart.


They were in a church service singing "Trading my sorrows," when Susie first noticed them.
Tim and Maggie.
They were sitting three rows ahead of her. She hadn't spoken to Tim for a few months now, other than a hi here and a hello there. She felt a little stab in her heart, that Maggie and Tim could still laugh and talk, yet her friendship with Tim had been destroyed along with the relationship.
Susie tried to ignore them and went back to trading her sorrows.


Susie could not believe it. She had seen them sitting very cosily at the Singles picnic. She had blinked and rubbed her eyes. But when she opened them again, they were still there, they were now holding hands.
She winced. It was as if someone had punched her hard in the stomach and knocked all the wind out of her.
"Hey Susie, are you ok?" Anne asked noticing her gaze.
"Not really. Are they...?" she couldn't even say it.
Anne nodded confirming Sue's unspoken question.
"I take it she didn't tell you. I'm so sorry, I thought you knew. I would never have suggested that we come here."
"How long have they been seeing each other?"
"Two or so months. They got together about three months after you guys broke up."
"I can't believe it. She's my friend. Isn't there an unwritten rule somewhere about dating your friend's ex. Seems like she couldn't wait to pounce on him."
"I'm sorry if it makes you feel uncomfortable. It must be difficult for you but if it makes you feel any better, I don't think she intentionally meant to hurt you."
"Yeah right. I think I'm gonna go."
"I'll come with you."
Susie told everyone she had a head ache or something to that effect and then she and Anne ambled off towards the car.

"Hi," a voice said.
Susie was busy doing her makeup in the church toilet when Maggie walked in.
"Hi," Susie replied. She was starting to come to terms with Tim and Maggie's relationship. It was hard but she was learning to let go of the resentment she'd felt towards both of them.
"Look, I never got the chance to speak to you. I wanted to call you but I wasn't sure what to say to you. I wanted to tell you but I knew how you felt about him so it just made everything awkward but you know, he liked me and I liked him and then ..."
"Its ok, you don't have to explain yourself. I'm fine."
"Really are you sure?"
"Yes, he's not God so yes, I can live without him. I'm over it, I hope it works out for you."
And with that Susie walked out of the bathroom leaving Maggie gaping like a fish.

"Did you hear the latest?"
"I don't wanna hear it. I'm done with Sky Church News."
"I know, I know but I'll bet you want to know that Tim and Maggie have broken up and guess what?"
"He's now dating Maggie's cousin."
"Yup...I kid you not. What goes around comes around babe!"

Monday, 23 August 2010

Let him go!

He says he's a Christian just like you but he never goes to church, swears more than Gordon Ramsey and thinks the "Twelve Disciples" are a rock band.

You say it's ok, he'll learn and change.

He promises to call but he doesn't, he shrugs it off and says he forgot.

You smile and say its ok.

He says he's going to come over, he doesn't and he gives you some feeble excuse.

You smile again and say ok.

His phone rings non stop when you're with him. Its always some girl or the other,

You ask, he says its his sister, his cousin and even his mother.

Ok, you say.

He slaps you occassionally, you take it, it has become the norm to you.

You think its because he loves you

...we correct those we love don't we...not in this case baby girl.

He always asks for money from you all the time and drives your car all over town, he can't keep a job,

You make excuses for him, he's still trying to find himself.

He's not interested in you other than for the physical reasons,

but you say it's ok, someday he'll fall in love with the real you.

He hurts you over and over again

But try as you might you can't leave.

You love him, or so you think.

You're afraid of being alone,

Unwanted, rejected, battered

Don't fool yourself girl, he ain't worth it.

Look in the mirror, you're fearfully and wonderfully made,

Don't settle for less,

Walk away... 

You're a Diamond, worth far beyond rubies, special and unique, a cut above the rest.   

Listen to me, sweet one,

Wait for the One,

Yes, the one who knows your worth,

The one who will treat you like the jewel you are

Shine on, sweet Diamond, shine on.

This one is for my sisters who are in dating relationships and deep down know that the men in their lives have gots to go!

Thursday, 19 August 2010

Te Amo - Yeah right ... The joys of loving the unlovable

He took her hand and looked at her, dazzled by her twinkling soft brown eyes and radiant smile.

“I love you,” he said.

Her smile widened revealing a sparkling row of perfect teeth.

"I love you too," she replied.

Yes, no doubt about it, the brother was in love.

Oh... if only life was as sweet and simple as that. You know, me loving you and you loving me and all that jazz. Life would've been all dandy innit? We'd all join hands and sing Bob Marley's "One Love" whilst sipping some tea.

Sadly life ain't like that. Personally I've met a few people in life who I just couldn’t stand. Yeah yeah, don't judge me, at least I'm honest. And ... Yes I’m a Christian but these people just got on my nerves because of things they did or said or maybe what they didn't do or say. So after a while I decided they didn’t deserve an ounce of my time.
And God said, "Uh uh girl, you have to fix that." I didn’t want to be nice to them. I tell you nothing within me wanted to have anything to do with them. I wanted to talk about them and what they had done. And believe me they had done me wrong. In all fairness I was justified to feel the way I did.

But God said that's not how things work. If you only love those who are nice to you and lovable, then what credit should go to you? You’ve done what any person on the street can do. What a Christian needs to do is to go the extra mile and love those that are unlovable. The ones that smile at you when you know they’ve been talking about you behind your back. The ones that invite all your friends to their Christmas party and conveniently “forget” to invite you.

Loving friends and family is easy (for most people anyway) but loving your neighbour or enemy is hard coz they may be the kind of people you feel like strangling half of the time. I think we have all met someone who really tries all our patience, the kind of person that makes you want to go on a spiritual holiday and give them a slap.

People are sometimes hard to love especially when is situations like :

Talking about you behind your back,
Spreading lies about you,
Walking past and ignoring you as if they didn't see you,
People who use you, you know the kind that don't call you or ignore you until they need something from you and then they're all smiles or start calling you
Impossible and inconsiderate work colleagues and flatmates,
Saying one thing and doing another, people who break promises
Insincere smiles and pretenders

Is there someone who you keep doing something for but they just don’t seem to appreciate it or do anything in return for you. Every time you see them you feel like singing Janet Jackson’s “What have you done for me lately?” I am sure most of us have been there at some point in time.
The list is endless...I'm sure you have some of your own...

Where are all my married peeps at? Some of you might relate to something similar in your marriages ...Has your spouse ever annoyed you so much that you wanted to ignore them for the rest of eternity?  How could they do that to you?  You told yourself that you were not going to let them off so easily yet somehow you found yourself being nice to them again the next day...well I guess that’s love.
However bad people may be towards you, the bible says we should walk in love. And boy is that hard or is that hard.

What really is love anyway?

When the French say “Je Taime,” it is just as heartfelt as when the Tswanas' say “Ke a go rata.”

Love, love, love!
What really is this contagious phenomenon?

For centuries the word has been tossed about, sometimes almost carelessly without any real thought as to it's real meaning or significance. Is it the strong feeling you experience when you see your beloved? Or is it the fluttering feeling of butterflies in your stomach every time you think of them? Or the tingling sensation that radiates through your body when you hear their voice? It seems love means different things to different people at different times.
One dictionary defines it as “a profoundly tender and passionate affection for another person.”

Wow! That's deep.

The bible calls it the “affectionate concern for the well-being of others.”

I was asking God how do we walk in love...What are we supposed to be doing? 
These are some of the things I received...
1 It means doing things for others without expecting anything in return.
2 Being patient with people when they act in unbecoming ways, remember not everyone is as spiritually grown up as the next person.
3 Not taking things personally. When someone walks past you pretending they didn't see you and doesn't say hi, smile at them and say hi to them instead.
4 Forgiving those who do wrong to you. Yes, even that girl in church who swiped the guy you'd just told her you were interested in.
5 Pray for those who hurt you. Even Jesus prayed and asked God to forgive those who crucified Him for they knew not what they did.

As we go through life we will meet those that are made from "sugar and spice and all that's nice"...and then there will be those that are made from all the other stuff... you know snails and puppy dogs tails (I'm sure you know the nursery rhyme). When we meet those kind of people I pray that God will give us the grace to turn the other cheek and treat them with the uttermost love. As Obama said in '08 "Yes we can!"

Friday, 13 August 2010

Just messin about....

It's Friday, relax and unwind... and of cos have a laugh:

Man:     Doctor, Doctor I feel like an apple

Doctor:  Right  lets get to the core of this matter then.

Did I ever tell you the joke about the margarine?

I better not tell you, you might spread it around.

Man: Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me.

Doctor: Next patient.

I better stop now before you mouth runs dry from all these dryyyy jokes.... ke ke ke

Have a lovely weekend ya'll!

Thursday, 12 August 2010

Keeping a zip on my gob

Have you ever noticed how we seem to derive ounces of pleasure from things that aren't so good for us...?

Take the example of eating several big slices of cheesecake, chocolate cake or any other cake for that matter... it melts in your mouth and leaves you wanting more...and if you aren't disciplined enough...you could eat the entire lot without any help from anyone. Momentary pleasure with dire consequences. A few months down the line and you begin to look and feel like a blob of cake...

Over the years I've noticed that talking is one of my greatest gifts. (and also undoubtedly one of my greatest flaws) I can talk for all England and even Africa for that matter. Those of you that know me personally will be able to relate to that...ke ke ke...

Talking in itself is not all bad but the problem is when one does talk a lot there is the possibility that it could land you in a bowl of hot soup!
Hence the warning from the bible that we should be slow to speak.

A few days ago I was complaining to a good friend of mine about how one particular woman did this and that. In fact someone else had also complained about this woman doing the same thing so I felt I was justified because this woman was doing a lot of wrong (in my eyes at least).
Before I even finished my complaining, my dear friend said to me, "Would you tell this woman what she is doing wrong to her face?"
"No, I don't think so," I replied.
"Well maybe you shouldn't be talking about her then. What good is it to keep criticising her, if you're not willing to tell her?"
At that point I realised that God had used this friend to check me and my attitude. I thank God for friends like him because he loves me enough to tell me the truth. I felt so bad because I knew deep down I had no business to be talking negatively about somebody in that way. I asked God to help me stop acting in that way. On reflection, what I should have done instead is to keep my mouth shut about it and pray for God to help that woman to change.

I remembered how God had dealt with me about this issue before and for a while I had refrained from such behaviour but after a while I would slip back into complaining and criticising people or sharing juicy stories about other people's lives. And I know I'm not alone on this one...it's so easy to do it but oh how it breaks our Father's heart. I thank God that I can sense His conviction because at least I can recognise that I have done wrong and correct the situation.

The book of James says that we should watch our tongue and make sure that every thing that comes out of our mouth is a blessing to those that are listening.

Its so easy to talk about people, their weaknesses and imperfections....
How many times have you heard things like:
"Did you see what she was wearing?"
"Yeah, it was disgusting."
"Did you hear that so and so is pregnant?"
"No way!"

As with everything in life, we can never reach perfection; all we can do is to strive towards it, one day at a time. If we do this, with each day we will be a step closer to being worthy vessels for God. We will be better than we were the day before.
I pray that God will help me to do right by Him and may He do the same for you.

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Don't worry be happy...!

You may feel that life has thrown some pretty tough stuff your way... how do you deal with it?
You would probably feel justified to sulk or pout because things are not going your way but please don't give in to that...it will only make you feel worse. A pity party? Don't even go there...you may find yourself being stood up and being the only guest...and what good is that?
 I don't know how you handle challenges, it certainly aint easy especially when it seems like you're the only one going through hard times and everyone else seems to be having a ball.

Bobby Mcferrin nailed it in the head with his old 80's hit, "DONT WORRY BE HAPPY!"
Worrying doesn't accomplish anything, it just makes you physically sick and stressed. Even the bible says "Do not be anxious about anything...make your requests known to God." Phil 4:6
Try the following and see the wonderful results that will follow:


2.Praise God

3.Love those around you and be a blessing to them.

4.Serve faithfully

Do all these things and maintain a joyful attitude and watch how God will supernaturally give you His grace to be able to go through the whole thing.
Remember "...weeping may endure for a night but joy will come in the morning..." Ps 30:105b

Monday, 9 August 2010

Return of the Mac

I've been away from my writing desk for a while hence the lack of posts on my blog....so much has been happening.... Who knows I may let you in on some of the juicy details...hhmm we'll have to see...
Anyway summer is almost over though it feels like it started just the other day though. Its been one interesting summer what with the World Cup which vuvuzela-d its way into our hearts, a wedding or two to attend and I have read a few good books whilst eating Magnum ice cream...yummy...one of books was a Francine Rivers novel and this author comes highly recommended...trust me...
Anyway stay tuned...

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