Tuesday, 12 October 2010
The Three Amigos
Church Organ: I've got a headache.
Pulpit: Why? Did Mr Ekks play you too much yesterday? I could see him really getting into the praise and worship.
Organ : No, it wasn't that. It was the singing. There was a woman close to me whose singing was awful. She was in and out of tune so many times, I wanted to pull her hair out.
Baptism Pool : Was it that bad?
Organ: It was terrible. She was trying to sing alto but she ended up being somewhere inbetween a bad soprano and a retired tenor. The only thing I can compare it with is all those wanna be singers on the X- Factor.
Pulpit: X- Factor huh... (laughing) Ohhh it must have been bad then.
Baptism Pool: Well nothing could beat the kind of day I had. Do you know what? There was a woman being baptized today whose clothes were so thin, the moment she entered the pool I didn't even know where to look. The moment her clothes got wet, everything was exposed.
Organ: No! You don't say...
Baptism Pool: I kid you not.
Pulpit: They need to bring back those old baptism robes. They're so thick no one can see a thing.
Organ: Yeah and so heavy, you'd sink faster than the Titanic.
They all laugh.
Baptism Pool: Then to make matters worse, after that woman, a man came in who looked and smelt like he hadn't bathed for weeks. The moment he walked into the pool, dirt particles began floating all over the water. Even the elders noticed and they had to use the water purifier afterwards. It was disgusting!
Pulpit : What is this world coming to? Do you know I was thinking about how church has changed over the years. You know from my vantage point here I can see everyone and I can tell you I see all sorts of weird things.
Organ : Such as?
Pulpit : People sneaking off before the offering starts. Or just the other day, I saw a so called brother taking pictures of all the pretty girls that went past.
Baptism Pool: You're joking!
Pulpit: I'm not joking. That's not all, I've also seen groups of people who come into church and then a few minutes into the sermon, they fall asleep. I mean what's the point. Better to stay at home if you're gonna be sleeping and snoring like a pig.
Baptism Pool : (laughing) That's embarrassing.
Organ: It is but I'm wondering whether maybe the sermon was a little dull. I mean that visiting Pastor seemed to go on and on. Even I was tempted to sleep.
Pulpit: I think it was nerves. The poor man was so terrified his hands were shaking. Several times when he wanted to put his notes down, they almost fell onto the floor. I had a hard time trying to keep everything together during the sermon.
Baptism Pool : Oh I almost forgot, I heard something a little worrying today. One of the Ushers was babbling on as usual. Apparently they got such a big offering today, they may be replacing the organ and pulpit. I just thought I'd give you the heads up. I'm sorry.
Pulpit and Organ: But they can't do that. We've served this church faithfully since it was opened in 1991.
Baptism Pool: Hey don't shoot the messenger. I'm just telling you what I heard. I don't want you guys to go but I guess we'll just have to wait and see how things pan out.
The Organ and Pulpit looked at each other. Sadness and confusion was etched all over them. Maybe this was just a rootless rumour and there was no cause for concern. But that didn't stop them from feeling blue. Maybe life as they knew it was about to change. Only God knows.